Monday, March 16, 2009

My kitchen and men

Today was all about me and the kitchen. There's been this strange amount of stress hovering around me and this whole Chicken Coop Crusade, so today I buckled down and spent a good four hours in the kitchen. It only took two batches of pasta, a few loaves of bread, an angel food cake and an Alfredo sauce that I made with fresh garlic and basil to help me figure things out. Yes, strange, but through cooking comes clarity in my screwed up head. The realization hit me sometime after the bread kneading.
I've had to ask for a lot of help with this project, mostly from guys at my church. Probably not a big deal to most, but for me it is. I do not have a husband, a boyfriend, or a brother around. My dad is not a builder and we don't really have the type of relationship where we do things together. We lived in the same house for 20 years and I have no idea who he is, but no worries, I'm in counseling with him, too. Things are getting there (I hope), but it's slow and my chickens can't wait the 8 plus years it may take for me to get through counseling with all the failed male relationships in my life.
Enter church men. The church seems to have a hardy crop of strangely nice, helpful, generous men, a variety I'm not used to. I can't tell you how strange it feels to have men offer to help me. With really nothing in return. They aren't single guys just trying to hook up, oh no these are married men with lives of their own. Busy with children, work and their own wives, yet they somehow find the time to fix the stair railing, help me move, build a planter box with me, help me move again, walk me through a busted fuse box through text messaging, make me a counter top and now building a chicken coop. I can't stand all this niceness. Where do these men come from? And as incredible as they are, it hurts to realize I have gone my entire life not knowing that such men existed. Did you know men can fix things?
So all of my stress has been over the generosity of these men and my inability to pay them or help them in return. And all though realizing this has helped lift the stress it hasn't quite calmed my heart, or answered the question as to why I haven't been able to meet a great single Christian man, who loves kids, gardening, chickens, cooking, whiskey, building, bicycle riding, camping, music and possibly goats sometime down the road. Though, perhaps I'm looking at the wrong things and instead should focus not on what they like, but who they are. Are they the kind of man who would set aside time to help a women they aren't dating, just because she needs the help? Are they generous with their time and abilities? Would they be willing to let me loan them out to a single mom in need?



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