Sunday, May 2, 2010

My Church

Today I went to church like I do on every Sunday morning, but this week Texas came with me.    I was so worried the whole time that he wouldn't like my church it was ridiculous.   I kinda tried to pick a fight with him this morning so that he wouldn't go (yes, I am this crazy).   He came regardless of my immature behavior.    I was so terrified that he would hate it and think it was terrible and never want to go again.    He is used to a far more formal church setting than mine.   One where men wear slacks and the women dresses.   Where children are quiet and do as they are told, and where the pastor wears an official robe.    Nothing like my church where kids run rampant, people wear jeans and t-shirts, and often the pastor is barefoot. 
I love my church, but I know it is not for everyone.    I love the chaos of 60+ children dancing and running around.   They are embraced for being children and are encouraged to love Christ as kids not as adults.   Annie loves it and I don't ever want her to hate church.   The biggest thing for me at times is that I don't have to pretend to have it all together to love Christ; I can show up on my messy days as I am and feel safe.   My church is my family and at times I truly believe I would stop breathing without them.     I  know that's probably not healthy either, but this church has walked with me for so long it is hard to remember a time without them (and I don't really want to remember that time).
I'm not sure how Texas felt about the whole thing, and I'm not sure I'm ready to hear his honest thoughts about it.     I feel exposed in a very vulnerable way to him now, because he has been to my church.     To the most important thing I hold on to, and I am scared he will reject it.   That seeing my church and knowing it is a part of me he will see us both as too much and walk away.

My after church distraction?:

I spent 3 hours cleaning out the chicken coop.
Puff was really excite to see the nesting boxes cleaned out with new shavings.
(I had to clean around the eggs because I forgot my egg basket)



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