Tote Bag

So Annie's first day of school is Tuesday. I'm so excited/nervous/happy/sad. My little baby is going to school. I did get very excited about her needing a tote bag for class. A little too excited to be honest. It's the first time I felt like sewing in ages. It's the first time I've sewed for me in a long time. I think sewing for money takes away my creative abilities, and my desire to invest in the piece I'm working on, so I kinda over invested in Annie's a little. She's sure to be the only kid with a tote bag like this. The best part is that she likes it!
Doing this bag has made me realize I need to keep my sewing just for me and stop sewing for money. I will always do baby slings, but no more curtains, baby blankets, stocking, seat covers, or clothes. It takes away all the fun, and honestly I make less than $5 an hour. Financially it's a waste of my time. I will keep doing baby slings only because I love that moms want to carry their babies, and I hate to think of a baby stuck in a bucket because mom couldn't find a sling she liked.

EGGS!

So I don't remember if I posted that our girls are laying eggs or not. So I'm posting about it now. We have Eggs! We get anywhere from 2 to 5 eggs a day and that number is going to go up. Translation: we have a lot of eggs. Somehow I have managed to acquire 3 dozen eggs? What do you do with 3 dozen eggs? Well if I had the time I would make pasta and angel food cake. Both require an insane amount of eggs, but seeing as how I don't have the time I'm making a lot of scrambled eggs in the morning. These are photos of Miss Annie after going out to collect eggs after we just got home. Yeah, we are late night farmers around here (that's Banjo asleep at Annie's feet), and I don't think the girls like us disturbing their beauty sleep, but what can I do? Most night we don't get home until 10 or 10:30. That's just our life. I will explain later why our Sunday night ran so late, but not now. I need to get the photos from a friend to post with it first. (I'm so scared of losing the camera again before Annie's first day of school, that I won't take it out of the house).

Had to

and found

I found my camera this morning! Maybe it took finally giving up and accepting that it was gone, for me to finally find it. I wanted to post this morning when I found it, but I was already late for work and I had this plan of posting a picture of my lost camera, but then realized that would require another camera and after going through the many possibilities of making that happen I realized I was even later for work. So I went to work instead. And now I just got home and it's 10:40 and my three year old needs to go to bed and I need to go to bed, and the dog needs dinner and to go outside, plus I should get the eggs from the hen house before they get mixed up with the next days lot, sorry but I think this means no picture. Yeah, I should not even be blogging right now. I promise picture as soon as I have my next day off (I don't think that is till Wednesday).

Lost

You may have noticed a lack of photos on our blog lately and that's because I lost my camera, so now I'm up late trying to find it. Where I should be is in bed because I'm still sick. Unfortunately, every time I lay down all I can think about is Annie going to her first day of school and me not having that stupid camera to take a picture. I love that camera. I don't have to borrow one, or ask other people to take photos and then sand me copies because I have my own camera. At least I used to. I've torn apart every drawer and cabinet in my house at least four times (this is a big house mind you) and I still haven't found it. Of all the stupid things to loose I lost my camera. I' d honestly much rather loose my phone or my wallet. At least then I'm not missing photo ops of Miss Annie playing BOLT or collecting her eggs in the morning, and she's so cute when she goes out to collect the eggs. She gets so excited. If your not too busy please say a prayer that I find my camera, I would really appreciate it, it has been deeply missed.

A new movie, a new game, a new obsession.

Annie borrowed the movie BOLT from my mothers a few days ago, and it has become a life altering movie for miss Annie. Yes, she has fallen in love with Banjo all over again. He is now her sidekick running through the house spying for the Green eyed man. That's right, they crawl, run, roll, and bark (that would be Annie) through the house in search of the elusive green eyed man. If you haven't seen the movie I can only recommend it up to five viewings, after that it gets to be a bit much, and I would suggest not having cats in the house with your dog while viewing. Annie asked to borrow my mothers cat so they could play BOLT after watching. Not to give the plot away, but cats are bad. They actually aren't that bad in the movie, but the part that stuck in my three year olds head says cats are friends of the green eyed man.
Perhaps it was being sick for three days, stuck in bed, that caused BOLT to take such affect, but Annie really does love her new movie/game. If you stop by during a game, be aware you may be asked to hide behind a chair or crawl through the living room on your knees. Thankfully Annie has had little success teaching Banjo the BOLT super bark. He faithfully remains my silent puppy.

That's all for now from BOLT headquarters.

Monday Tuesday

Monday being what used to be my one day off has become my busiest day. I miss my day off and I have to admit I've been rather pathetic these last few weeks since losing my precious Monday. I now have to wake up at 6am on Mondays dress and feed Annie and get her to my mothers by 8 am, so I can get to work. This week I picked up an extra Monday job, so I go to two houses instead of one. Get done with work by 4 pm and go to get Annie. Then its off the to grocery with sleeping Annie and Banjo in tow. Yes my kid is the one sleeping in the grocery cart, at least this time I got there before 9pm. then home to cook and freeze. We hit the mattress around 9:30, pray and fall asleep.
Today I was blessed by being able to just spend the afternoon with Annie. A surprise I wasn't expecting. Since my mother had to borrow my car I didn't go home and clean like I usually do (this will backfire in a few day when the dishes are piled up to the ceiling and the laundry is overflowing to the floor). Instead Annie and I spent the afternoon taking a nap together at my mothers house. It was awesome. We read books until my eyes watered and my throat burned, then slept a few hours and woke to more reading. It's possibly her favorite thing to do. Ended up not having to go to work until 5:30! It was so wonderful. Two massages later and Annie and I are back home getting ready for bed. Goodnight!

conversations in the car

Annie, "I don't like doggies. I like cats and ducks and pink and purple and rabbits."
Mommy, "what about Banjo?"
Annie, "I like him and cats and pink and purple and rabbits and ducks."

Flat tires and a new kind of list

I've regrouped after a few hours of tears and have made a new plan.  Hopefully I'll make it past three days on this one.  I'm going to make a list of the things I get done instead of what needs to get done.  I like making this list long, it doesn't depress me like the to do list did.  Now I can look at a list of my accomplishments for the day and it's far more rewarding.  

Like today, I bypassed a major catastrophe of almost missing work from a flat tire.  Got to work only 30 minutes late.  Cleaned two houses.  Rotated laundry.  Took Puff outside for some sunshine.  Waters 1/4 of the yard, am currently posting a blog, and it's only 2:30.   I much prefer reading that to what needs to be done.  

I am still trying to hold on to the idea that things will change, that God has a plan, and I'm going to hold off on looking at the future until I get my feet on more solid ground.    When looking at my savings account doesn't make me cry, I'll start planning.  Till then, lala land is a great place to be.  And no, I'm not going to even think about the fact that I still have to buy two more tires for the car.

I want my lala land

So my attempt at living in reality is a colossal failure, and it's only been three days. Making a list and trying to break it all down, not a good idea. My list keeps getting longer before I have a chance to even break down the first five things. It's seems the more I get done, the longer the list actually becomes. I'm physically exhausted from trying to get things done, I'm stressed beyond belief looking and/ or even thinking about my list. And the worst part? I'm starting to just loose all hope that things will ever get better. I've started forgetting to tell myself that God has a plan, because I find myself doubting he does anymore.
So I'm going back to living in my own personal lala land. To pretending this is all temporary, to pretending it's all going to get better and soon. I need this lala land where I don't look at the future. Where I don't think about where we will live next, how I'll pay the bills next month and where we're going to get the money for fixing the car the next time it breaks down, because it will break down. The one thing that I can depend on is that my car will break down again, and every time I (in my lala land) tell my self God knows this is going on. It's all part of his plan that Annie and I have no money.
I foolishly took my car to a dealer to just see what my options were, part of my living in reality idea, and of coarse he couldn't tell me anything until after I looked at a few cars. I told him I just need to see the numbers. The last dealer got me, and good, just by making me sit in a car a billion times nicer than mine own. Telling me how safe it was, how safe it was for Annie, and how dependable this car would be. Let's not forget him telling me I could afford said car. Well three years later and that very car has been a curse on my life. Sucking me dry of what little money I've managed to to put in savings every time. And believe it or not I cry when I think about how we have no savings.
But back to the dealer. He makes me sit in a car. Grrr... I was so mad I wanted to leave, but I sat there, while he showed me all the bells and whistle and I fought tooth and nail not to let him suck me in. Then he shows me the ratings on the car. I start crying when I read that this particular car has the lowest break/repair occurrence of any car. Yes, the dealer looked at me like I was crazy, but he hit that one button.
So we finally talk numbers. I'm currently upside down in my car loan by a mere $5,000, and getting me into any car would most likely cost somewhere between $700-800 a month. Of coarse I get up to go, but no this guy wants to drag it out. Telling me if I could just put $4,000 down I could get my payments closer to $500 a month. Is he nuts? What single mom has that much money? Certainly not me. It was, all in all a terrible experience, but at least I know I am truely trapped in my current car and I can stop day dreaming about ever getting out of it.
In my lala land, I will meet a great Single Christian guy with two Toyota prius's or maybe even a Chevy Volt, I hear they are going to be awesome, mine will be Charcoal Grey and his can be what ever color he wants. We'll own a small house and no one will stop by to tell me I have to close the garage door.

Movers

I'm having one of those weeks, when I want God to wave a magic wand and just fix everything. Move the new bed up stairs, paint Annie's room, take out the trash. Stop the hostel takeover going down in the basement, did you know Flies can hatch larvae in less than 24 hours? Find us a cute adorable couch for the living room, find me a cute adorable Christian man (who isn't already married) and take my car in for the stupid repairs (I can't get over how many times this car needs fixing). The one good thing about this though, is that I've finally come to the realization that God is not going to lend me any magic wand or super furniture moving muscle power and I've started to break all these frustrating to do's down. Somehow each day I have to get a small portion of something done before I go to bed. Today I actually paid the bills and cleaned my bathroom and did the dishes (twice on this one they were piling up, but only because the weekend was so crazy). It will be harder on days when I have to work longer hours and when Annie isn't hanging out with her dad so I can get my stuff done without taking care of her first. It's unbelievable how little I am able to accomplish when I have Annie. I love her dearly, but that little kiddo wears me out.
So since God obviously isn't going to make some handsome single Christian guy show up at my door asking me where to move the furniture and how I like my laundry folded, here goes nothing. If I don't post for a few days, be patient. I know I've been slacking. I just haven't had any time. If is makes any of you feel better I haven't been replying to my e-mails either.

birthday