Sewing, gardening, sweat and tears

Today was a long day.  After staying up last night working in the yard once again, I woke up tired and wasn't sure what the day would look like.  With my massage clients slowly picking back up (thank you Lord), I'm still not making enough so I've really been spending more time doing my many other jobs.  I've starting cleaning house's with a friend of mine and have been taking every sewing job I can find.   Anyone needing monograming I'm right here.  Turn over is pretty fast right now, so give me a call (PLEASE).   In the midst of all this it's hard to balance work with Annie.  I have regretfully begun to depend on movies, to keep Annie busy while I'm sewing, but when the movies are done watch out.   She takes over my sewing room faster than I can clean up after her.  Today she made a dress with my small makeshift dress form I use when making her clothes.  She was very into color and making a mess.   "I making a ball dress, mommy, I go to a ball."  Well, who can argue with that right?  After pulling all my fabrics down from the shelves she slowly put together what she wanted.   I may never dig myself out of this tiny room, but her dress is almost complete, "you add beads and sash mama, ok?  I wear it later."  With that she walked out of the room.  That was at 8, it's now 10:30 and I'm still cleaning up.  I think I need longer movies or a better baby sitter.  

wedding mornings and tired mommies

Well, here are the photos.  I did manage to get out of bed this morning.  My back was not happy about it, but my two year old was rather insistent.  "Wake up mama, we going to a wedding!"  I'm still not sure what wedding, but we both had to get dressed in our "finest" attire, "we got look nice for wedding peoples."   Her in an oversized paisley, ruffled shirt with brown striped pants and a pink crown, me in jeans and a t-shirt.  We then "got put your makeup on mommy," which I've discovered means brush your hair.  Then we went down stairs and she started to play by herself.  Thank you lord, for a child who entertains herself so well.  I guess I was only here to escort to the living room, because I wasn't asked in.  She's been in there by herself for over two hours now.  Singing and Dancing.  

I wanted to get back to work in the yard this morning, but my back said otherwise.  I guess digging up 40 pounds stones that were 6 inches under the dirt wasn't such a good idea, but doesn't it look nice?

Buried treasure and honeysuckle nightmares

Today was my get things done day.  I paid the bills, returned the videos and books to the library, shipped out two books for paperback swap, got my hair cut, picked up fabric for a new sewing order, made my bank deposit, and then dropped Annie off at my moms, to do some serious gardening at my house.    

Just so you know, I have a large yard, overgrown by honeysuckle and half dead ivy.   It's everywhere.  Today I focused on planting near the garage.  I wish I had taken a picture beforehand to show you.  It was bad.  Bald except for a patch of ivy and some rocks.  The original planting area must have only been 1.5 feet out from the garage judging by the stones.   I pulled the ivy and spread out the peat moss, lime and compost before tilling.   Yikes!  with every drop of the shovel I hit Rock!  it was crazy.  I eventually dug up enough stones to edge the entire bed I had planned.    Well, seven hours later it looks pretty good.  I'm so happy how it turned out and so far it's only cost me $0.  Yep, nothing.   I got the plants from my mothers yard, just one Hosta and some Lilies of the Valley.   The Hosta was so huge I was able to split it into 5 pieces.   By next spring, when things fill out, it will look amazing.   

Sorry the picture is so bad, it was dark out by the time I got done.   I'll post better ones in the morning (if I wake up).  

Mothers day and Narcolepsy

OK, I know I've been slacking.  Things have been crazy here.  The chickens are huge and threatening another hostel takeover only at least this time it's my backyard instead of my kitchen.  I'm slowly recuperating from my overwhelming state of unproductiveness.   We'll see how far I get. 

 I'm super excited to tell everyone that I bought myself a mother's day present (it's one of those things us single mothers most remind ourselves to do). I'm taking a cheese making class this Saturday and I can't wait.  I wanted to take this class last year, but didn't have the funds.  Not that I really have them now, but hey, it's mothers day weekend right?   

 Annie gave me the scare of a lifetime today when she fell asleep while eating a pilfered bag of tortilla chips.  I think she must have stolen the bag sometime earlier in the week because I had it on my shopping list for tomorrow.  I'm posting a picture at the bottom of this post.  Lets just say I went looking for Annie and the first thing I saw was her hand laying on the carpet motionless.  I truly thought she had choked and was passed out.  I'm now convinced she has narcolepsy.  This is actually a common occurrence where she'll just pass out mid motion.   The last time she did this was while pulling a dress over her head. Again my first reaction was that she was choking.  Maybe she's just testing my reaction time, and how quickly I can find a pulse.

Tapping

Annie for about six days now has worn nothing but tap shoes, and I when I say nothing, I mean nothing.  Naked and tap shoes (hence the lack of picture with this post).    I try to a least require panties, but I've been loosing the battle as of late.  Thankfully when we leave the house, she's agreed to wear minimal clothing, "to protect my bummy," (her butt).  So for the last week now, wherever we go, she taps.  She smiles when people notice and is soaking up the attention.   I however am slightly less enamored by the onlookers and the constant tapping of the shoes wherever we go, and was planning on hiding the shoes once I got them off her feet for bed.   But Ms. Annie while I was prying them off her feet the other night to go to sleep, rolls over and says, "mommy, when I was a daddy, I will marry you."   I'm not sure if she's physic or God was whispering in her ear, but it made me smile so big (of course, she got to keep the tap shoes).  Now when I've had even the slightest sad thought I just think about Annie and her marital proposal.  I am SO thankful for her.  

My blessing

It's no shocker to most that my life isn't perfect, it doesn't fit into a pretty box.  I have many struggles, but I have even more blessings.   This week I found out that my sister is pregnant with number four and I couldn't be happier for her.    I feel terrible that I wasn't able to keep up with the smiling and the happiness.  I didn't realize that I was sad, until I watched her calling her friends to announce the good news.  Then it hit me; I didn't get to do that with Annie.   It wasn't good news the way it is for my sister.  My pregnancy wasn't celebrated.   It wasn't a wonderful experience.    I had three days of just getting used to the idea before my life was torn apart by a woman who didn't even know me.    Her words have haunted me for the past three years, and I am still struggling to remind myself they weren't true.    I was lost, depressed, alone, and beyond sad.   It was a struggle that I was going to have to deal with the rest of my life.  I hate to even write these words about my pregnancy because Annie deserves to be celebrated every day.  She is the most beautiful, wonderful gift I have ever received in my life and God blesses me everyday through her.   I guess I'm just mourning what wasn't, and what isn't, and praying that at some point Annie will know what it's like to have two people who love each other, love her.    That she will have a little brother or sister to play and grow with.   That I will get to experience having someone love me and tell me that I am beautiful, someone who will stay.  

Thank you everyone for your calls and emails.  I promise you I'm not going to jump off a bridge.  I'm just working through the sad parts in life that I tend to put away for the rainy days, and it's been really rainy lately.   I know God is with me each step and that he has a great plan for my life.   No matter what happens I am a part of his plan.

Sorry, but today is one of those thunder road kind of days.   I woke up and things were fine then that stupid brick wall appears in front of me and I can't move, I can't sew. I don't even feel like cooking.  Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.